We often regret the things we have lost, and things that didn’t work out the way we wanted them to or expected them to. Our regret is often misguided. When we look back on all of the poor choices or mistakes we have made, we believe we regret that things did not turn out the way we wanted them to. In reality, what we regret, even subconsciously, is not having done our best, given everything that we could or should have given, and shortchanging ourselves, and often other people.

We have no control over outcomes. In life you can do everything right, and still not get the result that you desire, but if we ask ourselves, did we put everything we have into what we were doing at the time, and we can answer that question with a yes, then our soul and conscience can often live in peace with the understanding there is nothing more we could have done. But when we inherently know we left something on the table, and didn’t put our best foot forward, that is often where regret comes into the equation.

As stated earlier, doing everything right is no guarantee of desired results, but doing everything wrong almost guarantees undesired results. They say the biggest regret most people have on their deathbed are the chances they were too afraid to take. I believe that is mixed with the chances that people did take but knowing those chances and situations that they encountered in their life were not attacked with a sense of purpose and a desire and effort they should have given. The best way to eliminate regret is to no longer, moving forward, approach anything half-heartedly. From this moment on, put everything you have into everything you do, and let the chips fall where they may. If you do that, your conscience should be clear, and you will be able to find peace in the understanding that there’s nothing more you could have done.

As for regrets about things that have already passed that linger and haunt us even after we have committed ourselves to doing better given future opportunities, there are ways of dealing with those too. As has been touched upon previously, any emotion creates an emotional imbalance, whether it is classified as negative or positive. Emotional imbalances most often represent an addiction of some kind. A regret means we have an addiction to having a certain outcome that has not been met. Failing to get an A+ on a test can invoke feelings of regret when we are addicted to the feeling of reaching a certain level of achievement we have set for ourselves or let others set for us. Getting an A+ on a test is something that most if not all people would consider a positive experience, and that addiction to the feeling of happiness or satisfaction we get from that achievement also creates the opposite emotion when that achievement is not reached, because nobody is perfect and nobody is going to do everything right. In society, many people have been conditioned to always seek the positive, because anything negative is perceived to be undesirable. What people don’t understand is that the addiction to positivity is actually what creates the negative emotion in them when they fail to reach that positive state or place.

By not being emotionally attached to outcomes is how we can best deal with accumulated stockpiles of regret we have not fully processed yet. If we regret a relationship experience, for example, because it didn’t work out the way we wanted it to, simply thinking about the experience, releasing the addiction to the preferred outcome we had at the time, and having gratitude for the experience is enough to restore emotional equilibrium no matter how much or how long regrets have overshadowed our emotional life. Each regret that is tied to an experience must be approached individually, and it requires a lot of work and introspection as well as retrospection, but each resolution is the equivalent to losing five pounds of emotional baggage. Once the baggage has been cleared, you’ll look better, feel better, and live better.