One night, it was just Libby and I back in the kitchen. We were getting dumped on because the Barrymore Theatre next door was having a concert, as they often did. I’m not sure why we were so understaffed.

“I’m gonna need you to go a little faster on the grill,” Libby said in a not so demanding way.

Something inside of me activated at that moment. Perhaps I COULD do things faster. So I started working faster and faster, and within a few months, I became the fastest worker in the kitchen. That was very ironic, considering I was taken off the schedule for being too slow a couple years earlier.

We definitely had a crew of some characters. Not everyone knew how to get along either, unsurprisingly, with all of the strong personalities that were present and the heated working conditions, both literally and figuratively. Most people who made mistakes in the kitchen were quite verbal about it, and sometimes when they had personal problems too.

The deli workers out front didn’t have an easier time than us kitchen workers. Customers weren’t always respectful to them, and they had to run around fast taking orders, serving meals and appetizers, and carrying bus tubs to clear tables that had just become vacant. There wasn’t much time for, “Can I take that plate for you, sir?” because of the high-volume and rapid pace of customers coming and leaving. Pasqual’s was about halfway between fast-food and a more expensive place. People mostly ate their food and left, but it took time to make.

The girl who I saw before I started working here again was named Brianna. It’s no question why I was curious about her, because she had one of the most enjoyable personalities I have ever been around. She was cute, but she didn’t have an attitude about it. She wasn’t stuck on herself at all. She was very friendly, but I knew there was more to her than what showed on the surface.

As a newcomer to astrology, one of my favorite things to do was guess which sign someone was based on their appearance and behavior. Sometimes I’d eat my break meal in the deli area, and I’d see Brianna running around to different tables and to and back from the kitchen.

“I think she’s an Aquarius,” I thought to myself, which was purely instinctual because I didn’t have anything solid to go on.

Then I later changed it to Gemini, and then finally Scorpio.

Brianna and I became friends. I could talk to her about a lot of things I don’t usually talk to other people about because she was so open about everything. With her permission, I ended up making a horoscope for her, and I couldn’t believe what I saw! She had the Sun in Aquarius, ascendant in Gemini, and Moon in Scorpio! Those were the three signs I guessed that she was, and all of them can be related to physical appearance. Gemini and Aquarius are often seen as flirty and sometimes wander a bit in relationships, being air signs, and Scorpio can be a bit oversexualized. Brianna having those signs in what people call “The Big Three,” or the combination of ascendant, Sun, and Moon signs, didn’t break the mold.

One time I was in the deli at the cash register and she just came out from the kitchen. Her boyfriend was sitting directly ahead in front of the windows with a view of Atwood Avenue behind him. She looked at him to make sure he wasn’t paying attention, and then she bumped her left hip into mine purposely and continued on serving. She had done similar things before, but I couldn’t believe she was bold enough to do that right in front of him!

Briana accused one of the managers of stealing money from her purse one night, someone I went to high school with.

Carl Armstrong and his brother Dwight had bought the company from Libby and were planning on revamping everything. The accused tried to put everything onto me, but Carl wasn’t having any of it and said I wasn’t even a suspect because I was back in the kitchen the whole time. A few weeks later, the same person just came in to work, and the general manager counted the drawer and found it short. The accused was fired on the spot. We received an unusually large to go order that night that was never claimed.

A new kitchen worker named Brian showed up in late fall who started doing the production in the morning to make sure the bulk portions of food were ready by serving time, and was quickly promoted due to his experience and need to fill the position. Brian was an interesting guy who was hard-wired for action and was always jumping from one thing to the next without slowing down, his work or his words. Brian was also into astrology, and he prided himself on being a Scorpio, a powerful sign.

Brian, though he was all action, liked it when the people around him weren’t into drama, and at Pasqual’s, that’s like asking for a pickle without any vinegar. He eventually constructed a small nighttime “handpicked crew” as one of the other kitchen workers put it who wasn’t very happy about it. That crew was Brian, his friend Aaron, and myself.

I got to know Brian and Aaron a bit. We went to their apartment a couple of times after work and went to the bars like The Ideal and The Up North a few times to have drinks and play pool after a night shift..

While I was at The Up North with them one night, the bartender was especially friendly with me and it was easy to talk to her. Her name was Casey. Somehow astrology got brought up, and I mentioned how I liked guessing what other people’s Sun sign is.

“OK! Tell me what sign I am!” she said and lowered down to my level and looked straight at me across the counter.

I wasn’t expecting to get called out, but I wasn’t going to fold either. I looked back into her eyes and noticed that her eyes looked like my old friend Kathy’s from Anime Club. They were hazel and the pupil was so wide that there was only a small ring of iris. I also noticed her hair was long and very fine like hers too. Kathy was a Cancer. Those were the first two hints.

Casey went back to performing her bartending tasks like cleaning glasses and putting dirty glasses on a dishwashing rack, and I kept searching for subtle clues that would give it away. Nothing else was presenting itself, until finally the light hit her face at just the right angle.

In astrology, every sign is ruled by one of the planets, including the Moon. The sign of Cancer is ruled by the Moon. When the light hit her face in the dimly lit bar at just the right angle, her face looked like silvery moon rock that was almost sparkling as it reflected the sun’s rays.

“You’re a…CANCER!” the words came out of my mouth almost on their own at the excitement of the sudden realization.

Casey didn’t look up from what she was doing, but her facial expression changed from nonchalant to the surprise of someone figuring her out.

“I’m impressed!” she said.

Nobody ever taught me how to see something like that in someone else. It’s something that just came to me without expecting it.

My studies with astrology and other esoteric subjects continued, and I eventually learned that astrology can be used not only to describe people, but events and atmospheres as well. The planets are always in motion, and the exact combination of where they are located now and happening that way again would take a very long time. It’s estimated that the planets align once every 22 billion years. So that is a lot of possible combinations. I also learned that astrology can be used to answer questions about past events and even future events.

My friend Richard told me about a story when a woman presented to a group of astrologers her transit chart, or where the planets were located at a certain time in comparison to where they were when she was born and asked them if they could identify what event took place during that time. They successfully guessed that a religious conversion took place at that time. Richard also told me about another story where a man grimly predicted the death of his son at a certain time. When the prediction came true, the man vowed to never study astrology again. Astrology is like a language. People speak in signs and symbols and understand what would sound like Greek to the novice.

The spiritual life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. There is always the potential for narcissism and misuse of power. Sometimes people suddenly believe that they have elevated themselves completely over the rest of humanity. Sometimes it goes so far that people develop a God complex and believe everything they do is perfect and refuse to listen to even the truth because it shines light on their imperfections.

I thought it meant that I was SUPPOSED TO BE perfect, so I would be very hard on myself whenever I made mistakes. I’d dwell on things much longer than I had to as though it somehow justified anything I did wrong instead of just learning from the experience and becoming empowered by my decisions and not being victimized by them.

There were many other things I had to learn about as well. The Shadow is that conglomeration of self that most people don’t want to face. I started becoming more aware of this duality within myself, but I was far from understanding it and even further away from reconciling the difference. I also began to understand the importance of self-control.

In March of 2002, I was ready to take my first extended journey away from Madison. I didn’t know how long I would be gone, or what was waiting for me on the other side, but I was definitely excited about it! New life and new possibilities!