YWCA Racial Justice Summit Keynote Speaker Kimberly Brazwell: Healing with Love and Social Justice
Kimberly Brazwell
By Jonathan Gramling
Kimberly Brazwell, a keynote speaker at the YWCA Racial Justice Summit being held October 3-5, is present. When we spoke by phone, it seemed that we created a connection in which the story of Brazwell poured into my imagination. It is difficult to give a title to what Brazwell does. She does speaking engagements, learning communities, panels, facilitated dialogues in the community, workshops and intensive healing retreats. But the work that she does is centered around healing people through love and social justice. And the healing is done through storytelling.
In the crazy, fast-paced American society, Brazwell helps people to sit still — be present — and listen to their stories — and the stories of others. It is through Sawubona, a Zulu term that means ‘I see you,’ that people hear the stories and see people for who they are and not as an appendage of one’s own needs, wants and desires.
“We have a lot going on, right,” Brazwell said. “I’m just rushing through the process. I’m just doing life mindlessly. And in many cases, that’s all we have the ability to do because our capacity is so low that we’re just kind of existing. But there is something about the gift of being able to sit still. I think that is honestly a lot of what I do. I really just try to provide space and place for people to be able to sit still for a second. What does it look like if I can just sit still and try to practice real breathing all the way to my belly and just kind of scan myself — mind, body and spirit — about what is going on with me. What am I feeling? What am I thinking? Where does this come from? What am I believing? Why do I believe that? And what do I need? And how is all of this connected to the deeper part of my story? Do I notice what my gifts are? Do I remember or know what I have been called to do? Do I have the capacity to say yes to what I have been called to do?”
And in sitting still and telling our story and listening to the stories of others, people are able to heal from the trauma that society and sometimes those who are close to us have inflicted.
“At the end of day, hear and heard, honored, appreciated, validated and we want to be believed,” Brazwell said. “We want people to be able to honor us as whole people with stories that deserve to be told, but fostering ourselves as recipients of gifts. If we were to believe that people’s stories were gifts, that means I have to earn your story. I don’t automatically get to just receive it. It’s my job to be a good recipient of the story that you tell when I hold that space forum with you. I think
there is something that happens to a person when they believe that you really care enough about them to listen to them, to receive their whole spirit knowing that you have not just your story, but you are connected to an ancestral lineage of stories. That is what this is. And when I honor you, I honor every being with whom you are connected to.
The African principle that reflects that is called Umbutu. Umbutu is believing that we are connected. I don’t need to know you to know that we are connected. And then there is this other principle called Sankofa. It means going back to get it knowing that there is something that I may have forgotten that I am connected to and leaning into who I am and all that I am connected to. There is a healing component that I can go back and get and retrieve at any point whether that is physically going back to a place or just digging into the deeper recesses of my story.”
Many of us have not set boundaries in our interfacing with each other and the world. And so we are constantly exposed to the turbulence of our relationships and society. In order to set boundaries, we have to know what we expect of the world around us and the people within it.
“I remember reading a book called ‘Expectation Hangover,’” Brazwell said. “That book was a huge reality check for me because I realized the first thing that I needed to do before setting boundaries is expecting something. We’re always struggling to expect something that we just don’t want to believe. Sometimes it is expecting that there is a person I care about and they don’t have the capacity. They don’t have it. And I need to accept that they cannot do it or accept that this person or this situation is disappointing her or has disappointed me. The next part is where that book came in. Once I accepted the thing, then I probably need to reevaluate my expectations because I’m making myself miserable. And I am holding resentment towards this other person because I have an expectation for you to do a thing that you can’t fulfill. I’m mad at you because you can’t do it. And I’m holding you to a standard that you can’t meet. And so I need to revamp that expectations so that in my mind, we’re friends and I define the relationship a certain way in these fifteen different categories. You’re only meeting four of them. That means that if I accept that as the truth, then I need to modify what I am expecting out of you. That’s really, really difficult because that is part you and part me, which means it isn’t all of your work to do. A lot of that is my work to do. Then only after I have done those two things in determining if this person even has the ability to be in it and if not, am I holding this person captive to be a person they cannot be or do things they do not have the capacity to do. And if so, do I need to let go of this? There is a grieving process in that sometimes.”
While healing commonly occurs when we are physically present and connect with each other, the COVID-19 pandemic virtually eliminated that in-person contact. But Brazwell was able to still make those connections with people in the virtual world.
“I think that is where a lot of my business kind of exploded was during COVID-19 when we weren’t able to be in space and be able to hug a person and do all of that,” Brazwell said. “Can we create an experience that can still feel good even if I can’t be in a room with you? And we found out that we can. A lot of what I have done — I’ve done community conversations, workshops, coaching, and even keynoting, all of that — I’ve been able to figure out how to do them virtually as well as in person. And it has really changed the business. Some of the people with whom I have the most wonderful relationship, it was virtual. One of my favorite people who was part of that support group, he and I still communicate. And he is in Alabama. I have never met him. But now we went from him being on the support group to a person whom I have literally contacted for us to do interventions with folks to build community with folks and I never met him. The network of people who are part of what I call the Serenity Squad of people who have this unique set of healing skills, we’re all over the place. That virtual component of being able to connect and show up for people, that’s how it happened.”
The beauty of Brazwell’s approach is that she is present and can adapt to what groups — and individuals — need at that moment. She might even adapt while at full stride.
“I will get pulled to the side privately by someone,” Brazwell observed. “‘Do you coach? Do you do this? Could you do these?’ And I say, ‘Sure. If I have the capacity, I can do that.’ That’s when we really get into the nitty gritty of things, when someone says, ‘I have something that I want to go a little bit deeper on, but not in this space with everyone.’ And a lot of the times, it’s like, ‘I don’t even have this all worked out. I don’t want to be messy in public.’ And a lot of people go, ‘Okay, let’s be messy in private.’ If you need to cry or say horrible things or cuss, let’s do it. Let’s do it. Be messy here and you practice that and we’ll work out some of these parts of your story, especially if it calls for you to recreate a narrative. And in a lot of cases, part of being gentle with myself, having grace for myself, is recreating a narrative. There is a story that I front out that is either not true, was never true, or is no longer true or just needs to be updated and modified. I can do that work on a private level so that when I go back into a group, I can practice it. Sometimes we work something out privately and practice it in a group. And then we use bigger spaces to just love on each other as we are getting better with the practice.”
When Brazwell comes to Madison for the YWCA Racial Justice Summit, she will bring that same style of adaptability to meet the needs of those present. After all, it is about the people in the room and not about Kimberly Brazwell.
“I think generally we have thought it would probably be the same kind of energy and vibe of what I talked about before, kind of grounding ourselves, understanding that the work of racial justice is exhausting,” Brazwell said about her keynote. “There is a spiritual exhaustion that comes with it. And I will give folks the opportunity to just rest and sit still, to acknowledge the fatigue that comes with it and just be celebrated that your body, mind and spirit have gotten this far in this work that hurts. And bring gratitude into the space and just giving some folks a moment to be still, to acknowledge the happiness and be encouraged to lean into the care they need in order to keep saying yes to the work. Now with that said, if I get into the space and the room is like it needs a different thing, I am ready to be receptive to that. There will be a readiness for what that room needs to know that I see them. What I have to say doesn’t matter if it doesn’t align with the room. And in most cases, to be completely honest, I do a little prayer and meditation before I go into a space and speak before audiences because with the nature of what I talk to people about, it needs to completely not be about me. It’s important for me to respond and at least pay attention to what is in the room. And I would rather be a vessel for what the room needs than to get these bars off of what I want to say.”
Kimberly Brazwell is as deep as the sea, but has an uplifting spirit that is lighter than air. And the bottom line is that it’s all about the people with whom she is interacting and not about herself. Whatever it takes to heal, Brazwell is ready to take whatever path people need to get there. It’s the healing that is important.