Unorthodox Angles/Andrew Gramling
The Path to Self-Fulfillment: Part XII– Filling the Void
A continuation of our series on personal evolution, truth, and accountability.
By Andrew Gramling and Harry Petsanis, Corporate Consultant, Owner of Accountability Coaching
The reason most people are looking for relationships on social media or looking to connect with someone or something externally is because they do not want to fill the missing pieces within themselves by looking inward. Most people are lazy and unaccountable, which means when they’re looking for a solution to a problem, they are truly not looking to solve a problem, they are looking to fix a symptom, and if you give most people the opportunity to fix something the right way, they will reject that opportunity because they know fixing it the right way is going to require two things— a lot of soul searching and a lot of hard work, and they want nothing to do with either of those. Saying that most people are lazy isn’t a personal call-out, it’s the default human condition that we are born with because when we are younger, most of what is done for us is done by other people. Our first identity in life is one which we don’t have to lift a finger and still have all our needs met. As we grow into adulthood, various experiences help us to shed this attitude, with each individual doing so at their own pace.
Give someone the opportunity to lose weight naturally, discipline their eating habits, and work out consistently, or get on Ozempic and they’ll choose Ozempic 10/10 times. Give someone the opportunity to change the way they think, acknowledge that their unhappiness is something that is rooted deeply in their core, and admit that the reason they are unsatisfied is because they are dissatisfied with themselves or blame other people for not living up to their standards, not making them happy, and fulfilling all their dreams, and they’ll point four fingers outward for every finger they point back at themselves. This is because we live in a society where the truth is too uncomfortable for people to bear, where we’d rather be told a comfortable lie and blame rather than focus on the crux of an issue, which is most often ourselves.
We don’t live in a society where people lack answers. You can find an answer to any problem by going on Google, but you can’t go on Google to find initiative. That’s something that comes from within. Carl Jung, the legendary philosopher said that thinking is difficult, that’s why most people judge. He emphasized that judging is often a shortcut to avoid complex thought, and the reason people take that shortcut is because understanding, introspection, and empathy require effort, and that’s the last thing most human beings ever want to give. He said that judging reveals more about the person that’s doing the judging than the people they are judging. It reveals their wounds, biases, and pain, but more than anything, it reveals their laziness.
We are not failing as a society in our connections, relationships, and friendships because we are lacking for answers. We are failing because we do not want those answers because those answers force us to look at ourselves., and since people do not want to take accountability and do not want to dive inwards, giving them answers that they already know or may not know is irrelevant because they do not want to do the work that is required that comes from those answers. I always say the next step after accountability is action, which is why no one wants to take accountability. The reason we are putting out this particular article is to not reach the 9 out of 10 people that do not want to put in the work, it’s to reach the 1 out of 10 that do, but feel they need just a little insight or guidance to lead them on the right path. There’s a saying that says “No matter how many times you whip a Clydesdale, it will never be a thoroughbred.” Our goal is to help people, but only the people who first truly want to be helped and are willing to help themselves, not to waste time on people who want nothing to do with being helped, regardless of how much they need it or say they want it because those are the people who often do nothing with it and waste your time and resent you when all you’re trying to do is give them what they ask for, but not what they really want. If you really want to fill in the missing pieces of your life, you’re not going to fill them with someone or something else. The real work requires self-reflection and looking inward. Once you do that, you then have to be willing to do the work that’s required to heal and become a complete and self-sustaining individual.
For more of Harry’s work on accountability, find him online at:
tiktok.com/@harrypetsanis
