When you're done reading this, I hope you excuse the irony that it almost didn't get written at all. As late as 8 p.m. last Friday, I sat at my computer struggling with the frustration of one in the process of giving birth, pressing from the canal of my psyche the words and phrases that would create this week's commentary, and at several points I pondered quitting my efforts altogether. It wasn't that I had writer's block or anything like that; what this piece is about this week is something that's been on my heart for a minute. However, coming up with the exact words I choose to explain it all  was not an easy task, and so my struggle rested with whether or not I felt like bothering with the procedure at all this go around. It was, after all, quite nice outside weather-wise, and my schedule had its rare occurrence of a free evening that could have been spent doing a number of other things.
     Why I finally finished the work is something you'll soon learn, but with all this said, I pray you understand and appreciate the toil I've taken to complete this, to make sure I'm fulfilling my part of the very call I am about to lay out before you.
     "What is this call?" you ask. Good question. I am speaking simply of the call to service. It's not something I push on you right off, as I understand that it's not something you can rush into if it is to be of an impactful, long-lasting nature; however, understand that the last few lines of this random quibble will do its own altar call of sorts, with the intended objective being to challenge and encourage you to consider your own brand of thoughtful, meaningful acts of worship. This call is what, in my opinion, all good work should evoke; it is what I will try to do here. Let's begin, shall we?
I start with a question for all of you, one that I'm sure most of you have been asked, or have asked yourself at least one time in your life (and if you haven't, welcome to the club that is self-reflection): What would you be doing if you were doing the one thing that you love and have been known for doing well your entire life? Or to put it another way, what is the one thing you do, or once did, that you love so much that you would do it for others, for free?
     For me, as far back as I can remember, that one thing has always been singing. Yup, I'm serious -- if you know me like some folk do, you know that when I'm in the mood, I can hoot and holla with the best of them, and will show no shame in doing so! "Love's,'' in the words of the Great Purple One, "too weak to define" my love for singing. I even considered a career out of it; three years ago I was part of the incoming Summer '03 class of Recording and Music Technology at Madison Media Institute. Sure, I'd already had a master's and bachelor's degrees under my belt at the time, but my heart still yearned to pursue my first desire -- singing my heart out, by any means necessary and available. And so I took a chance, jumped into a full course load and an ambition that for once, I would have ample time and opportunity to fulfill.
     Or so I thought -- what I hadn't counted on while I was there was losing the drive to continue down that path. Halfway through the process, I realized that while I loved singing, I wasn't drawn to that particular aspect of music, and, more importantly, I wasn't as good at it as I thought I would be. In short, lack of financial stability and poor showings academically in all the program's core classes moved me to withdrawal after one semester, and to date, I have not once looked back.
     So, will I ever go back to singing? Probably not as a career, because as time goes on, I realize more and more that my calling is not there, which is quite a different thing than interest or hobby. It's great for fun, or when I'm standing in the soprano section on Sunday mornings, and I have been told by at least one person (Hi, Momi J) that I could probably still do something big with my singing talents; however, what I do for the benefit of society, out of my natural gifts and talents, is not born out of my singing ability. Actually, after finally accepting that I would not become the next  Whitney Houston (before the downfall), and going through my own process of figuring out what else I was passionate about besides belting out the latest Top-40 hit, I found an equivalent passion in what you see "write" before you J. It's not easy by any stretch; however, I've found that I find just as much joy in producing a final product for all of you as I did perfecting the tone of my favorite love song. And what's most important with this aspiration is that it has been constantly confirmed to me as what I should be doing. Just last week, I received a call out of the blue from a woman who informed me that a poem she read of mine kept her from making an eternally destructive mistake with her life. If that's not a confirmation of where I should be, I don't know what is, but I can tell you for sure that I have yet to hear anything close to that said about my singing.
     I could have chosen not to write this week's column -- I'm blessed in that I've been given full freedom by my editor in that decision-making process; however, I choose to press on, because I've come to realize that writing means that much to me. I know there's always something inside of me I'm ready to share with the world, and I also know that it's always well worth the effort it takes to bring it to its fullest fruition. After that phone call I received, I also understand that no matter how I might be feeling on any given day, someone's freedom or inspiration for living their best life might rest on whether or not I'm willing to share my gifts at that particular moment, when it may matter most. It helps that I'm also inspired by the women I saw honored last week through Oprah Winfrey's Legends Ball -- women who, through hell or high water, fulfilled their passions to the fullest, and sparked a whole new generation of beauty, power, and talent.
So ... *cue organ music* where is it that you know your best gifts to society lie? What is that one thing that, when you do it folk say "You know? You bless my life with that in more ways than I can really say." Furthermore, if you aren't doing it as your primary calling in life, what's stopping you? If it's singing, or reading, taking care of kids or doing pedicures ('cause Lawd knows I am in desperate need of one right NAH!!! LOL), I urge you to find that selfish passion you've been given, and ride it selflessly until the wheels of your life fall off! I promise that society -- and you for that matter -- will be much better off if you do.
Random Order/Tracie Gilbert
The joy (and power) of selffish, selfLESS living
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