| to discuss and learn about. Most of the participants are relatives or mothers of Go Hmong girls." Guest speakers were invited to talk about the topics selected by the participants. "So far, we had talked about family and health issues --how to deal with your child or infant when they're sick," Vang said. "We had a public nurse as guest speaker." A recent meeting had a UW-Extension speaker who talked about nutrition. The speaker reportedly advised the women about reading the labels of boxes or packages that they buy, what to look for, and whether or not the food is healthy. Vang added that they also plan to talk about financial matters, sexually transmitted diseases, domestic violence, and others. Vang was 12 when she arrived in the U.S. and admits she went through the struggle of fitting into a society that seems so different from where she came. "I grew up in a jungle, in Laos," she narrated, and that experience never left her. "I still have nightmares, like waking up in the middle of the night, and whenever it's a cold night, I would dream -- waking up under a tree, because that's how we slept. If it's raining, then I would wake up wet and there were worms, leeches, snakes that's my nightmare." She said her family moved within the jungle for about a year to "farm," until they successfully reached Thailand and became "refugees." "We lived there for two or three years then we came to the U.S. through the sponsorship of an uncle," Vang recalled. "We lived in Milwaukee where I went to school." She was 15 when she met Shwaw, her future husband, and they got married in 1991 when she was 16, an "old maid" in the Hmong tradition, Vang aid with a big laugh. Taking care of her family with four children, Vang waited until the kids were older and went back to school to omplete her cosmetology course in 2004. As Vin Ncaus coordinator, Vang realized early on that discussions and presentations are excellent, but that funds are needed to make them happen and to venture into other services that can really empower Hmong women. "For example, our participants want to learn how to drive, but we don't have funds for driving lessons or a 'company car,''" Vang said. "It would be great if once in a while, I can take the whole group, and say, 'Hey, let's go for a drive, you can use my car," or we can have a company car to practice driving. So that';s my goal, but right now, I can't do much about it." But there are times when Vang comes up with creative ideas to make her group happy. One day, she took them to a day at the spa. "As you know, these women are refugees," Vang emphasized. "Back in Thailand, they never had the time to go to a beauty salon; they don't even know how it is done; the cost; and they don't know how it feels when they get a makeover and things like that. So I took five of them to the Cosmetology School!" The experience indeed made the women so happy, she thought. Vaj stressed that they don’t want to change the women or beautify them in the Western way. "We want to show them how to pamper themselves, as mothers, and also to just teach them what can hurt -- like too much overnight makeup," Vaj said. "Our primary reason for doing this is to allow them to make that decision. Mee told them, "Make sure your husbands don't get upset if you cut your hair." Initially when they got there, none of them wanted a haircut, but when they saw one with a new haircut, they said, 'I'm going to do this.' It's really an empowering moment for them!" Domestic violence The group specifically confronted the serious issue of domestic violence in their October 11 meeting at Northport Neighborhood Center, with a number of new Hmong women arrivals in Madison. Kabzuag Vaj and Mee Vang opened up the sensitive issue for discussion due to a recent murder-suicide case in Wausau where a Hmong husband killed his "allegedly adulterous" wife then committed suicide. The couple left seven children. Vaj lamented the fact that the Hmong community's reaction was to blame the woman right away. "She was the victim; he killed her, yet they buried her husband first, and they had a struggle as to who's going to bury her and what kind of burial she was going to have!" she said in disgust. "It wasn't until a lot of women in the community put pressure on them. And even after that, at the funeral, everybody blamed her for her own death. In front of her children, they said (I wasn't there, but the advocates said) that men, and even women, came up and said, 'It's your own fault for your own death; you deserve this; you were adulterous; you had an affair," and all that." The participants narrated related stories that happened in the refugee camps in Thailand; however, no one mentioned about her own personal experiences at home. "These women will not share their own experience (at least, not yet) but those of others they have witnessed in the Hmong community," Vaj said matter-of-factly. "As we get closer, perhaps, they will. Part of the reason we're doing this is, so that if they ever needed help, we just want them to know that we have a cultural approach; that we won't call the police if they don't want us to. We'd do it so that they'd feel safe, and we'd do what they want, as long as it is safe for them and their children, but at the same time, we'd tell them their rights." Vang knows that there are many bad relationships in the Hmong community but the wives deal with them in accordance with their traditions. This is how Hmong women deal with their issues: "No matter how much my husband beats me up, I do not want to embarrass him or bring shame to my whole clan or my husband's clan, so I try to hide all the issues as much as possible, until it's really, really bad that I can no longer stay in that family. No matter how bad my relationship is, I want my kids to have a father,'" Vang explained. "When they come to us, usually they do not want to go back. We help them, but we don't make the decision for them; we will give them the options, but they have to make their own decision." Vaj confirmed that coming to Freedom Inc outside the support groups is the last resort. "They probably had this problem for the last 10 years and have decided that they've had enough," she said. "So that's where we step in, and we act as advocates." How do some members of the Hmong community perceive Freedom Inc's work? "We do get a lot of bad stares, or bad rumors, about us only helping women," Vaj admitted in a sad tone. "They call us a divorce agency. If they see that their wives are coming to us, then it becomes a problem for the wives, so sometimes we don't meet in Bayview; we meet in their homes or in safer places for us." Other than angry husbands, Vaj considers older Hmong as part of the "they." "I think that with the older generations like the clans, as a women's organization it's a little bit harder for us to approach them for reeducation," Vaj stressed, hopeful, however, that younger generations would listen. "Where we're very good at is that we're very connected to the young people, and so, right now, we have the Freemen, which is our young boys group, anywhere from 17-20 kids, young men who come to us, and we do provide trainings on sexual assault and domestic violence. With these young men, we talk about respecting their sisters, their mothers. We're trying to focus more on prevention; and while we would love to do more reeducation for elders, right now, we're focusing on what we're really good at, and that is women, children and youth." Like any progressive movement, Vaj knows it is not easy to be accepted and to change things that have been shaped by traditions. However, she and her women are ready to face this challenge. "We want to end violence against women and children," Vaj stressed in no uncertain terms. "We've never publicized our services; but we're coming out now because weneed the larger community to sustain our programs. And because our numbers re rising, incidences of domestic violence also rise. This year alone, from January to July, we've helped over 184 people including children and elderly" The help doesn't only come in the form of support group discussion obviously. Direct economic services such as food (emergency rice bags), groceries, and bus tickets are also provided, in addition to referrals to shelters to ensure "victims" are safe. ";We don't want to turn away anybody who needs help," Vaj said. "So we are appealing to the larger community for help in order for us to continue providing these services that benefit Hmong families." Note: Make your contribution to Freedom Inc at 601 Bayview, Madison, WI 53715. Contact: Kabzuag Vaj or Mee Vang at phone no. (608) 661-4089. |
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| www.asianwisconzine.com |
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| Heidi M. Pascual* Publisher & Editor, Asian Wisconzine * U.S.-SBA 2006 Journalist of the Year, State of Wisconsin |
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| Kabzuag Vaj and the women of Freedom Inc. Vin Ncaus: Empowering Hmong women Part 3 of 3 |
| A Hmong woman cites a domestic violence incident in a thai refugee camp. (Below) Mee Vang coordinates Vin Ncaus. |
| Kabzuag Vaj listens to women's stories of domestic violence in the Hmong community. |
| In this series, Asian Wisconzine presents the services that Freedom Inc., led by Kabzuag Vaj, offers to families and children, primarily targeting the Hmong community, and why the people of Madison, Dane County, and others should help this nonprofit survive through financial and in-kind donations/contributions. Housed in Bayview Foundation';s Neighborhood Center, Freedom Inc. is struggling in its efforts to provide support services that tackle the issues of human and civil rights, domestic violence, access to social services, and more. An earlier issue featured the Go Hmong project, a support group for Hmong girls and young women which is led by Padawb Vang. This installment focuses on the Vin Ncaus project. The Vin Ncaus project (which, as of this writing just lost its funding) primarily provides services to Hmong teen moms, teen wives, and those who were married during their teens, whether or not they are new arrivals from Thai refugee camps. Mee Vang coordinates this program. Vin Ncaus "This program was designed to help teen wives and mothers, to empower them to be strong, and make their own decisions," Mee Vang explained. "We started April this year, and in that first meeting we talked about topics they wanted |
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| Two participants in Vin Ncaus listens intently to Kabzuag Vaj and Mee Vang's presentation. |
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