Since the school year was now over, it meant that it was either time for me to go home, or to continue working in China. What would
I have if I went back to the United States? The answer is not much. Not that I have a problem with it, but back in the United States, I was
working at restaurants, warehouses, and construction sites making only enough money to take care of the next thing that I was going to
do, which was usually some kind of journey. Comparatively, I had never been paid nearly this much money per month at any job I used
to have. And for the first time, I had a job where I had enough freedom to be creative, and possibly learn as much as the students I was
teaching because I had to make sure I knew what I was teaching, and they could also share what they knew with me.
      Back in the States, I was just an outcast among outcasts with no kind of social footing or material goals, looking for the next
adventure that quite often had some kind of risk involved. But in China, I was looked up to by many of the people I had taught and was
accepted by many strangers, most of whom just appreciated who I was, foreigner and Chinese. There were many business opportunities
in front of me coming from everywhere. My life in China seemed to be the complete opposite of what my life was like in America.
      Here, I was a foreigner who was known to other people more than I knew them. Word about foreigners and things in general always
seemed to travel quickly throughout the city. I was used to knowing who everyone was without being known by many others. Instead of
borrowing money from my parents like usual, one of my parents was asking me to send money over to them, though they must have
forgotten that it would be nothing but pennies by the time it reached them. My secondhand vehicles that I used to escape some of life’s
worries with by cruising off into unknown sectors of the country playing the latest hip-hop music was replaced by public transportation of
crowded buses and speedy taxis with no sounds(not my sounds anyways) and no freedom to roam wherever.
      In America, I spent a lot of time playing in the streets as many young people do, so I was ready for whoever wanted to cross my path
in an unfriendly way. Being a teacher and traveling down safe streets for about a year was making me go soft. I was wary if I ever returned
to America that I wouldn’t even know how to deal with any serious confrontations anymore. Back home, I majored in street-talk, but in
China, I was an English expert. I could go on forever about the differences.
      David offered to have me work with his company again for another year, but after all of the underhanded things he did concerning
money, to me and to other people, I didn’t have much desire to continue doing that. He gave Spela a renewed visa in the hope that she
would stay there and teach in his company for at least another semester. David wasn’t in any way the lowest of the lows. We all actually
had a great time together when he was around most of the time because he had a sense of humor, and he was never the kind of boss
who scolded his employees. I think he left that task to Hilary. But his biggest secret was still yet to be uncovered.
      One day, while we were in the office downtown, we were discussing what we were going to do for work after summer. I told them that
I was going to get a travel visa extension for one month and then see what other jobs I could find. After the meeting, Nina from Slovenia
said to me, “Did you see the way David looked when you said you were going to get another visa? He started to get real nervous.” “No. I
didn’t see that.” I said. I wondered why he would be worried about that. What would be the harm of getting a new travel visa for one
month?
      Some of my foreigner friends that were still around knew I was looking for work, and some of them got back to me about some job
opportunities. Og from Ireland’s girlfriend told him about a position at her company. They needed a foreigner to do some magazine
editing fulltime. I called the contact number and used the directions he gave me to take a taxi out into a part of the city I was unfamiliar
with. We went into his company building on about the fourth floor, and he showed me the magazines and asked me if it would be
possible for me to do it. I told him yes, but the problem was that I didn’t have a bachelor’s degree. “Yeah, we really need someone who
graduated from college to do this job. It’s a requirement for our company.” He told me. Though I was disappointed by the result, it gave
Spela an opportunity to inquire about.
      The three of us and one of the company man’s friends joined together at a restaurant just outside of Hu Po near a hilly dirt road that
was under construction after our morning classes one day. Construction workers worked all hours of the day. They could build things very
quickly, but it was sometimes a disturbance. Right outside of my window on Anqing Road in front of my apartment, they were rebuilding
the road just near the bridge that extended over the main road in Hu Po. I would hear them at 2:00 in the morning and later drilling and
busting up concrete. That and no air-conditioner during the summer were disturbing my sleep, but I had no reason to complain because
I volunteered to take that room even though it was the only room with no air-conditioner. While Spela and the businessman were talking
business, his friend said to them to translate that he wanted to drink with me. He was probably bored and wanted something to do, but
maybe not since most business meetings in China are done in the presence of alcohol. First we had one full glass of baijiu, and then
some other beers. He gave me credit for keeping up with him since he liked to drink. I was definitely feeling the effects of what we drank,
and when we got back home, I had a surprise waiting for me. Dushan had let my old friend Leo whom I had first met in my early days
living in Hefei, into our apartment to wait for me while I was gone. I hadn’t seen him for several months after he left his wife and baby
daughter to work in another city for a while. I had met several people who often did their business for extended periods in other cities
away from their families like him. Since the room was spinning a bit, all I remember saying to Leo is, “It’s good to see you!” many times.
He must have been able to see in my behavior what influences I had in me, because he said, “Why don’t you have a rest?” I told him
over and over, “No. I’m ok. Don’t worry.” But he was very insistent. I finally gave in to his advice and took a nap. That was a short reunion.
About one hour later, I woke up and joined Spela at one of the restaurants near our home. It was across the street from where we had to
go down a back walkway that curved around our apartment building down onto the main road of Hu Po. There were several concrete pits
that dropped off from the road that had stairways and ramps going down into them that had several stores and restaurants of varying
quality. I felt like I was going to die, but I managed to eat some beef and egg rice and drink some desperately needed heated water.
Later that evening, Spela received a call from the company man we met for lunch. He said that his friend who drank with me at
lunchtime passed out for three hours after he went home. That gave me permission to laugh a little, even though I was probably feeling
just as bad as he was.
      One day, some of us who were still around decided to go to the only beach they had in Hefei. The beach was in yet another part of
the city I had never seen. I took a taxi after giving the driver written directions to the beach where I met my friends Pondus from Sweden,
Katerine from Germany, Sebastian from Austria, and several others from Germany. The beach was not patrolled by lifeguards, but
security guards in standard turquoise uniforms. Anytime the swimmers started to go out a little far, they would yell something into the
megaphones to make them come back. Katerine started swimming too far, and she pretended not to understand what the security guard
was saying. The security guard then walked over to me as I was sitting on a towel on the sand and nervously handed me the megaphone
and gestured for me to say something to her. Katerine said, “I will only talk to you if you speak to me in German.” So I picked up the
megaphone and put my two weeks of German from high school to use. “Guten tag. Wie gehts?” I said. All the Germans there started
laughing, and that was all I could do. Eventually she came back to shallower waters. It was a nice peaceful and relaxed day unlike any
other I had spent in the city. We spent the rest of the day playing card games with what looked like Uno cards and then went back to our
homes as the sun was starting to go down and change the color of the sky. When I got back to the apartment, Dushan asked me if I went
to the beach, and I told him yes. He said that an hour or two earlier, he got into a taxi, and the driver told him in Mandarin, “Haha. I just
finished taking an American with a beard and moustache to the beach!”
      Soon after, Katerine went back to Germany, and we saw her off at the bus station. It was also time for Dushan and Spela to leave. On
their last night in Hefei, we were going to have a dinner. Nina and Damian came over and helped prepare for the dinner. There were
some other supplies that Dushan was going to get from the general store across the way, and we needed drinks, so I decided I would be
the one to get them. Dushan couldn’t find what he needed, so he was going to walk down the road 5 or 10 minutes to the supermarket
they had in Hu Po. I found my drinks, so I was about to return to the apartment. Dushan said, “What? You’re going home? I still have more
things to get.” I said to him, “Ok, but I got what I came here for, and now I’m ready to go.” Dushan said, “Come on! You have to do
something for this dinner!” I said, “What do you think I came here to get the drinks for?” Dushan just shook his head and said, “Selfish!” I
said to him, “Call it what you want. I don’t care.” Then he left. I didn’t think he needed help buying those things, and I never said
anything to him about buying that stuff anyways. We had our dinner, but the atmosphere between Dushan and I was a bit sour, and we
didn’t even speak to each other. Both of us were equally stubborn. Later that night, after dinner, I went for a long walk across part of the
city, the first time I had ever done such a thing. I walked far-east from our apartment. There was one place that caught my attention.
Over one intersection, there was a walkway bridge, and one of the staircases led down next to a building that had the English word
“Freedom” written on it in neon lights. That place caught my interest, and I had a feeling that I would have to go there someday. I
wandered very far into areas that I couldn’t even understand what may have happened there before. In the end, I took a taxi home, and
when I got back, Dushan and Spela were both asleep. After that walk, it seemed like a good idea for me too.
      On Dushan and Spela’s last day, I saw Dushan in the morning, and I said to him, “I’m not sure if what I did was really selfish, but I am
sorry that a decision I made led to conflict between us.” He said back to me, “I’m not sure if what you did was really selfish either. Sorry.” I
didn’t want to end it with any amount of negative feelings toward each other.
      Dushan, Spela, Damian, Nina, and I went to the bus station to see Dushan and Spela off. Dushan was going back to Slovenia, and
Spela was going to stay in her friend’s apartment in Shanghai for a while, and then possibly return to Hefei. Spela said to me, “Do you
really think we’ll see each other again?” And I said to her, “Yeah. I think so”. After saying goodbye to them, they both got on the bus to
Shanghai and left Hefei after we had such great times that were filled in between by tense moments, but overall I enjoyed their
company. The only thing I didn’t know was what I was going to do. Now I was completely alone, and my next step was not an obvious
one.
China Dispatch/Andrew Gramling
Goodbye is the hardest thing to say