The Respite Center Celebrates 25 Years
Home away from home
Home away from home
Long time Respite Center workers Meg Miller (l-r), Julia
Murray and Sharon Kilfoy
Murray and Sharon Kilfoy
By Jonathan Gramling
At the back of Family Centers on Fordem Avenue is one large room that has a homey
feel to it. There is a kitchen area and a reading area and a play area and a sleeping area. It’
s a place where children come when their parents are finding that they have too many
things coming at them, too many things stressing them out and they need some time to get
it together. That comfortable place, that home away from home, is The Respite Center.
The Respite Center was started in 1979 when the leaders of Red Caboose Day Care found
that many of their parents needed child caring services during times when the center
wasn’t open. Through a federal grant, Red Caboose established community-based,
hospital-based and home-based respite programs. The community-based program
occupied a house on Williamson Street. Today it is the only one that survived and one of
fewer than 10 in the country. In 1989, it moved to Fordem Avenue to join other family-
oriented social service agencies including Family Enhancement in a collaborative effort
through Family Centers to provide a “one-stop” place where families could receive
services.
The Respite Center is open 24 hours per day, seven days per week to take care of
children from birth to 14 years old. Most of the children stay for an average of four hours
while their parents deal with an issue. Others stay overnight. And in some cases, foster
children have stayed for a weekend in crisis care as the county had found them another
At the back of Family Centers on Fordem Avenue is one large room that has a homey
feel to it. There is a kitchen area and a reading area and a play area and a sleeping area. It’
s a place where children come when their parents are finding that they have too many
things coming at them, too many things stressing them out and they need some time to get
it together. That comfortable place, that home away from home, is The Respite Center.
The Respite Center was started in 1979 when the leaders of Red Caboose Day Care found
that many of their parents needed child caring services during times when the center
wasn’t open. Through a federal grant, Red Caboose established community-based,
hospital-based and home-based respite programs. The community-based program
occupied a house on Williamson Street. Today it is the only one that survived and one of
fewer than 10 in the country. In 1989, it moved to Fordem Avenue to join other family-
oriented social service agencies including Family Enhancement in a collaborative effort
through Family Centers to provide a “one-stop” place where families could receive
services.
The Respite Center is open 24 hours per day, seven days per week to take care of
children from birth to 14 years old. Most of the children stay for an average of four hours
while their parents deal with an issue. Others stay overnight. And in some cases, foster
children have stayed for a weekend in crisis care as the county had found them another
placement.
“Weekends are the highest demand,” said Sharon Kilfoy, Respite’s program development specialist. “We do a lot of care during the week for
people who are going to appointments, who have court appointments and who are homeless and are trying to get themselves back on their feet,
perhaps looking for a job and have young children. For parents with school aged children, there are kids whose behavioral issues are more than
they can handle evenings and weekends. So there is a demand for different types of respite care throughout the day and throughout the week. The
demand increases during the summer and in February. I think people start to go stir crazy by the end of the winter. They aren’t able to get their kids
out. They’re not able to get a break by taking their children to the park. So there are certain times that we see an ebb and flow. Even though kids are
back in school, this is the time when a lot of people move to Madison. We’ll see an increase in homelessness in September. We’ll see an increase
here in homeless families who need us. So even though when we imagine it would start to slow down, that’s often not the case.”
The Respite Center is not a babysitting service. It is a social service agency that works to help children and parents manage crisis situations
and get started on a path toward stability. “We have an opportunity here to make a difference for kids. Every single child care worker here can be
that difference for a child no matter how often they see them, no matter how predictable those visits are,” Kilfoy said. “We never know when or if we
will see a kid again. It makes it all the more poignant and timely in that this is your chance right now. I believe we have a curriculum, but that
curriculum is based on those sorts of things, the building of resiliency in a child as opposed to ‘We have story time at 2 p.m.’ We don’t have story
time. We certainly read a lot of books with kids. But because we have a curriculum that is somewhat in flux, we have the ability to follow the child’s
lead and spend time with that child in a way that is meaningful for that particular child or that group of children that we have at that moment. We
have the ability to make each moment count.”
In addition, there are also resources for the parents. “We have our own in-house social workers,” Kilfoy said. “They do referrals for the parents.
They do short-term counseling with the parents. So when I say best serve their needs, it’s also how can we help hook them up with other services.
Nobody gets in here as much as they would like. Depending on the severity of what is going on at home, maybe there is something we can do short-
term that can help that family weather the crisis and can also provide services so that in the future they don’t get to this crisis stage.”
Almost in mirror of the families that they serve, The Respite Center had to struggle in the early years, sometimes wondering if they would have to
close during the month of December or if the staff would be paid. But after they established themselves, their core funding remained relatively stable.
“Our funding sources respect what we do,” said Meg Miller, Respite’s executive director. “At that point in the beginning, I had to teach people
exactly what a crisis nursery does, what The Respite Center does and why we are important. Now it is understood. I feel like our core funding is a
given although we do come up with cuts and not getting increases. I never feel we are on the line like other people because people really
understand what we do and have incorporated us into the whole child welfare system and we are an accepted part of the system.”
But they had to struggle to get people to understand how the different components of Respite fit together. “‘Oh they are just babysitters’ was the
hardest thing to overcome,” Miller said. “Or the part where our social workers who do the scheduling and the crisis intervention and work with the
parents was at the beginning not considered a necessary part. It was thought that all they needed to fund was the childcare. So I worked very hard
to say that we are one program. We have one program, which is crisis and respite childcare and parent support. What happens then is that all of the
funding sources pay into one program. That’s a lot different than a lot of other agencies that separate it out and go after funding for different things.
Everyone had to buy in that they were giving to one program and paying for different parts of the population that used us. But really, they are all
paying to keep us open.”
The work of The Respite Center can be very emotionally demanding because it is, by its very nature, a center of crisis. Yet Miller has been with
Respite since 1984 and Kilfoy since 1986. “What has kept me here all these years is that I think it is a privilege generally,” Miller reflected. “I think it
is a privilege to provide this service to people and I get to do that. I think the support of the community has helped. I still get angry at the lack of
resources made available to the people who need it the most. Why aren’t people paying attention? I’m not necessarily saying that about our
community. They do support us, absolutely they support us. It’s that whole attitude about kids and who is responsible for them and how we are
responsible for one another and yet, we’re not. People get into terrible situations and they need help. I’m glad our community provides that. And they
really do through all the people who work with families and children.”Through Respite, the community provides that relief in a home away from home
for children.
On September 16, The Respite Center will be holding its 30th Anniversary Celebration at The Masonic Center, 301 Wisconsin Avenue. “Creating
a Brighter Future: the Art of Resiliency” will be held from 5:30 – 8:30 p.m. Tickets are $20 or $35 for two. People need to RSVP by September 9 by
calling 244-5730 or e-mailing info@respitecenter.org.
“Weekends are the highest demand,” said Sharon Kilfoy, Respite’s program development specialist. “We do a lot of care during the week for
people who are going to appointments, who have court appointments and who are homeless and are trying to get themselves back on their feet,
perhaps looking for a job and have young children. For parents with school aged children, there are kids whose behavioral issues are more than
they can handle evenings and weekends. So there is a demand for different types of respite care throughout the day and throughout the week. The
demand increases during the summer and in February. I think people start to go stir crazy by the end of the winter. They aren’t able to get their kids
out. They’re not able to get a break by taking their children to the park. So there are certain times that we see an ebb and flow. Even though kids are
back in school, this is the time when a lot of people move to Madison. We’ll see an increase in homelessness in September. We’ll see an increase
here in homeless families who need us. So even though when we imagine it would start to slow down, that’s often not the case.”
The Respite Center is not a babysitting service. It is a social service agency that works to help children and parents manage crisis situations
and get started on a path toward stability. “We have an opportunity here to make a difference for kids. Every single child care worker here can be
that difference for a child no matter how often they see them, no matter how predictable those visits are,” Kilfoy said. “We never know when or if we
will see a kid again. It makes it all the more poignant and timely in that this is your chance right now. I believe we have a curriculum, but that
curriculum is based on those sorts of things, the building of resiliency in a child as opposed to ‘We have story time at 2 p.m.’ We don’t have story
time. We certainly read a lot of books with kids. But because we have a curriculum that is somewhat in flux, we have the ability to follow the child’s
lead and spend time with that child in a way that is meaningful for that particular child or that group of children that we have at that moment. We
have the ability to make each moment count.”
In addition, there are also resources for the parents. “We have our own in-house social workers,” Kilfoy said. “They do referrals for the parents.
They do short-term counseling with the parents. So when I say best serve their needs, it’s also how can we help hook them up with other services.
Nobody gets in here as much as they would like. Depending on the severity of what is going on at home, maybe there is something we can do short-
term that can help that family weather the crisis and can also provide services so that in the future they don’t get to this crisis stage.”
Almost in mirror of the families that they serve, The Respite Center had to struggle in the early years, sometimes wondering if they would have to
close during the month of December or if the staff would be paid. But after they established themselves, their core funding remained relatively stable.
“Our funding sources respect what we do,” said Meg Miller, Respite’s executive director. “At that point in the beginning, I had to teach people
exactly what a crisis nursery does, what The Respite Center does and why we are important. Now it is understood. I feel like our core funding is a
given although we do come up with cuts and not getting increases. I never feel we are on the line like other people because people really
understand what we do and have incorporated us into the whole child welfare system and we are an accepted part of the system.”
But they had to struggle to get people to understand how the different components of Respite fit together. “‘Oh they are just babysitters’ was the
hardest thing to overcome,” Miller said. “Or the part where our social workers who do the scheduling and the crisis intervention and work with the
parents was at the beginning not considered a necessary part. It was thought that all they needed to fund was the childcare. So I worked very hard
to say that we are one program. We have one program, which is crisis and respite childcare and parent support. What happens then is that all of the
funding sources pay into one program. That’s a lot different than a lot of other agencies that separate it out and go after funding for different things.
Everyone had to buy in that they were giving to one program and paying for different parts of the population that used us. But really, they are all
paying to keep us open.”
The work of The Respite Center can be very emotionally demanding because it is, by its very nature, a center of crisis. Yet Miller has been with
Respite since 1984 and Kilfoy since 1986. “What has kept me here all these years is that I think it is a privilege generally,” Miller reflected. “I think it
is a privilege to provide this service to people and I get to do that. I think the support of the community has helped. I still get angry at the lack of
resources made available to the people who need it the most. Why aren’t people paying attention? I’m not necessarily saying that about our
community. They do support us, absolutely they support us. It’s that whole attitude about kids and who is responsible for them and how we are
responsible for one another and yet, we’re not. People get into terrible situations and they need help. I’m glad our community provides that. And they
really do through all the people who work with families and children.”Through Respite, the community provides that relief in a home away from home
for children.
On September 16, The Respite Center will be holding its 30th Anniversary Celebration at The Masonic Center, 301 Wisconsin Avenue. “Creating
a Brighter Future: the Art of Resiliency” will be held from 5:30 – 8:30 p.m. Tickets are $20 or $35 for two. People need to RSVP by September 9 by
calling 244-5730 or e-mailing info@respitecenter.org.
