Spotlight on Criminal Justice
The gauntlet of reentry
The gauntlet of reentry
approach and my attitude towards coming out. I had to have a change in attitude because when I went in, I was a reactor. When I came out, I started
responding. I didn’t jump the gun. I don’t get upset.”
Ellis had changed so much that the folks out on the street who knew him when he went in, almost didn’t recognize him. “A lot of times, in Illinois, where my
wife is at and I am from, people who know my history will call me because it is amazing to them to see me going straight for so long, lose all my habits and be
able to speak positively about the system and the things I despised back then,” Ellis said. “You might feel you are going to the other side. But that is your whole
purpose. You want to become a law abiding, tax paying, respectable citizen. You want to be treated as a neighbor or a friend or a co-worker and someone who
is in the community. In order to do that, you have to submit to some of what society asks of you.”
Indeed, one of the hardest tasks that a formerly incarcerated person has is convincing others — and themselves that they have changed. “I was 44 years old
when I went in to do this last bit,” Ellis said about prison. “When people would ask where I was at, they’d say ‘He’s gone home.’ Going home means you died. So
when I went to prison, people would say that I had gone home. I was dead to the world. I finally got tired of being sick and tired. And I got tired of coming back
and trying to tell the same old story: ‘I’m straight now, I did the time.’ My mouth was saying it, but my actions were not. So I knew that even when I came out, I
couldn’t tell anyone I had straightened my life out. I had to show them that I didn’t want a nightlife. I had to show them that I didn’t want to be bothered with
cigarettes. I had to show them that I wasn’t going to use a curse word for every other word I said. I had to show them that I didn’t want to sneak and get a drink,
sneak and go get a drug even though I could have tried. But it never entered my mind.”
While an individual might believe that they are free when they are released from prison, in Ellis’ view, they are hardly free. They have the same restrictions
on them that they had in prison. And again, just one slip-up will send them back to prison. So they have to be on guard for every situation that might send them
back to prison.
“I know myself and I know my triggers,” Ellis said. “When I came home, I didn’t take rides from guys that I knew who were still in the game. The slick guys would
drive by ‘Come on man, get in the car. I’ll give you a lift.’ I’d say ‘I don’t need a lift. I’m going to walk. I don’t know what you have in your car. And you have other
people in your car. So whatever those people have in that car, if the police pull us over, that belongs to me because I’m fresh out of jail.’ So I had to sacrifice
that ride and take that walk. I just think about when I was in prison. I’d walk the ‘Yard’ every day thinking about how I was going to be walking on the streets. When
they leave and drive off, I consider that a victory. I had to train myself for every obstacle. Every time there’s an obstacle, if I keep an open mind, I can turn that
into an opportunity. So each time they came to me with those options, those false opportunities, I pushed them aside and it was an opportunity for me to walk
and enjoy some things I didn’t know how to enjoy before I went to prison.”
In Ellis’ view, the system is stacked against the person who is trying to go straight. No matter which way they turn, there is always a reminder that they are
formerly incarcerated and that others are in control in many facets of their lives. But there is one place where the formerly incarcerated individual is in control,
that place within.
“Don’t keep going back to talking about the old ways because that is going to lead you there and you are going to try and find that old solution,” Ellis said
about the path leading back to prison. “Talk about something new. A lot of times, I get guys who ask me why I am smiling when it is raining outside. I tell them I’
m smiling because it is raining and I can feel it. You have to make your own day. I plan mine. When I get up in a bad mood, I say ‘This is the day the Lord has
made and I’m going to rejoice and be glad in it.’ I have to maintain that thought because as soon as I walk out that door, something comes up, someone is
going to do something and I can’t dwell on that. I’ll tell them ‘God bless you.’ And people get mad when I tell them that. But I say that so I don’t say something
else. And it seems to get them more upset because I’m not letting him live rent free on my head. And they aren’t going to control me. If I keep thinking about
how I’m going to get even with you that is going to resonate in my head and I can’t think to do what I want to do. It took me time to keep people from living rent
free in my brain. I’m living for mine and the Lord’s expectations.”
Ellis has created a new life for himself, primarily through his spirituality and the new attitude that he developed. While he has experienced set backs and
disappointments, he continues to have a positive attitude and strives to get what he needs through the rules that have been established by society. He has
become comfortable in his own skin and is patient, very patient, waiting for the day when he will truly be a free man and will have made it through the gauntlet
that every formerly incarcerated individual faces when he/she walks outside those prison walls.
responding. I didn’t jump the gun. I don’t get upset.”
Ellis had changed so much that the folks out on the street who knew him when he went in, almost didn’t recognize him. “A lot of times, in Illinois, where my
wife is at and I am from, people who know my history will call me because it is amazing to them to see me going straight for so long, lose all my habits and be
able to speak positively about the system and the things I despised back then,” Ellis said. “You might feel you are going to the other side. But that is your whole
purpose. You want to become a law abiding, tax paying, respectable citizen. You want to be treated as a neighbor or a friend or a co-worker and someone who
is in the community. In order to do that, you have to submit to some of what society asks of you.”
Indeed, one of the hardest tasks that a formerly incarcerated person has is convincing others — and themselves that they have changed. “I was 44 years old
when I went in to do this last bit,” Ellis said about prison. “When people would ask where I was at, they’d say ‘He’s gone home.’ Going home means you died. So
when I went to prison, people would say that I had gone home. I was dead to the world. I finally got tired of being sick and tired. And I got tired of coming back
and trying to tell the same old story: ‘I’m straight now, I did the time.’ My mouth was saying it, but my actions were not. So I knew that even when I came out, I
couldn’t tell anyone I had straightened my life out. I had to show them that I didn’t want a nightlife. I had to show them that I didn’t want to be bothered with
cigarettes. I had to show them that I wasn’t going to use a curse word for every other word I said. I had to show them that I didn’t want to sneak and get a drink,
sneak and go get a drug even though I could have tried. But it never entered my mind.”
While an individual might believe that they are free when they are released from prison, in Ellis’ view, they are hardly free. They have the same restrictions
on them that they had in prison. And again, just one slip-up will send them back to prison. So they have to be on guard for every situation that might send them
back to prison.
“I know myself and I know my triggers,” Ellis said. “When I came home, I didn’t take rides from guys that I knew who were still in the game. The slick guys would
drive by ‘Come on man, get in the car. I’ll give you a lift.’ I’d say ‘I don’t need a lift. I’m going to walk. I don’t know what you have in your car. And you have other
people in your car. So whatever those people have in that car, if the police pull us over, that belongs to me because I’m fresh out of jail.’ So I had to sacrifice
that ride and take that walk. I just think about when I was in prison. I’d walk the ‘Yard’ every day thinking about how I was going to be walking on the streets. When
they leave and drive off, I consider that a victory. I had to train myself for every obstacle. Every time there’s an obstacle, if I keep an open mind, I can turn that
into an opportunity. So each time they came to me with those options, those false opportunities, I pushed them aside and it was an opportunity for me to walk
and enjoy some things I didn’t know how to enjoy before I went to prison.”
In Ellis’ view, the system is stacked against the person who is trying to go straight. No matter which way they turn, there is always a reminder that they are
formerly incarcerated and that others are in control in many facets of their lives. But there is one place where the formerly incarcerated individual is in control,
that place within.
“Don’t keep going back to talking about the old ways because that is going to lead you there and you are going to try and find that old solution,” Ellis said
about the path leading back to prison. “Talk about something new. A lot of times, I get guys who ask me why I am smiling when it is raining outside. I tell them I’
m smiling because it is raining and I can feel it. You have to make your own day. I plan mine. When I get up in a bad mood, I say ‘This is the day the Lord has
made and I’m going to rejoice and be glad in it.’ I have to maintain that thought because as soon as I walk out that door, something comes up, someone is
going to do something and I can’t dwell on that. I’ll tell them ‘God bless you.’ And people get mad when I tell them that. But I say that so I don’t say something
else. And it seems to get them more upset because I’m not letting him live rent free on my head. And they aren’t going to control me. If I keep thinking about
how I’m going to get even with you that is going to resonate in my head and I can’t think to do what I want to do. It took me time to keep people from living rent
free in my brain. I’m living for mine and the Lord’s expectations.”
Ellis has created a new life for himself, primarily through his spirituality and the new attitude that he developed. While he has experienced set backs and
disappointments, he continues to have a positive attitude and strives to get what he needs through the rules that have been established by society. He has
become comfortable in his own skin and is patient, very patient, waiting for the day when he will truly be a free man and will have made it through the gauntlet
that every formerly incarcerated individual faces when he/she walks outside those prison walls.
By Jonathan Gramling
Part 4 of 4
Johnny Ellis was on the wrong side of the law for most of his life. He used over 30 aliases during his
criminal career and for all he knows, there could be some charges pending for an alias he has forgotten
about. But the last time he went to prison in 1999, Ellis resolved that he would never go back. He’s made
a change in his life and has played it straight for the last 4-5 years since he was released from prison.
It hasn’t been easy for Ellis. What he has faced since he left prison is a gauntlet that has tested his
desires, his discipline and his faith. One little slip up and Ellis could be headed back to prison.
While he was in prison for the last time, Ellis got in shape, mentally and physically, for the trials he
was going to face. “I was fortunate in the last part of my bit,” Ellis recalled over coffee with The Capital
City Hues. “I had a single cell for a year. That allowed me to continue on in my walk in the Lord and my
reconciliation with myself, my family and different people. I knew I was getting healthy. While I was
getting my push ups and getting my head straight, the dope dealers, the hookers and the thieves were
doing the same thing on the streets. So when I came out thinking I was healthy, the dope was stronger,
the skirts were shorter and the schemes were cleverer. So I had to be prepared for that. Nothing was
going to change except it was going to get stronger from what I left. What I had to change was my
Part 4 of 4
Johnny Ellis was on the wrong side of the law for most of his life. He used over 30 aliases during his
criminal career and for all he knows, there could be some charges pending for an alias he has forgotten
about. But the last time he went to prison in 1999, Ellis resolved that he would never go back. He’s made
a change in his life and has played it straight for the last 4-5 years since he was released from prison.
It hasn’t been easy for Ellis. What he has faced since he left prison is a gauntlet that has tested his
desires, his discipline and his faith. One little slip up and Ellis could be headed back to prison.
While he was in prison for the last time, Ellis got in shape, mentally and physically, for the trials he
was going to face. “I was fortunate in the last part of my bit,” Ellis recalled over coffee with The Capital
City Hues. “I had a single cell for a year. That allowed me to continue on in my walk in the Lord and my
reconciliation with myself, my family and different people. I knew I was getting healthy. While I was
getting my push ups and getting my head straight, the dope dealers, the hookers and the thieves were
doing the same thing on the streets. So when I came out thinking I was healthy, the dope was stronger,
the skirts were shorter and the schemes were cleverer. So I had to be prepared for that. Nothing was
going to change except it was going to get stronger from what I left. What I had to change was my
Johnny Ellis faced a lot of obstacles when trying to
start a new life after leaving prison.
start a new life after leaving prison.