| My editor has this wonderful way of checking me about things I need to take care of in my life, without ever making me feel bad about not taking care of those things, even if he has every right to check me on them. From deadlines to topic choices -- his cunning ability to lovingly kick me in my butt is one skill I wish the rest of the world had in more ample supply, and one I also, because of it's sheer sensitivity, try not to take for granted. With that, I have an important admission to make to you all ... in a phrase, I've been slipping. What -- you couldn't tell? Nah, you couldn't -- I'm just too slick with the cover-up, huh? You'e WAY too kind if you believe that, and trust -- the check's in the mail. Seriously though, while 2006 was a really good year I admit I've ended it at a pretty low note ... one of major falloffs and unfulfilled promises that threatened to compromise my reputation as someone to be trusted and counted on. I've never wanted to owe anyone anything other than love ... but it appears that I've accrued more than my fair share of debts, including with this column, which has slipped in both production volume and value. If you've never been where I am now, feel free to take my word for it -- having poor follow-through sucks, hands down. Don't get me wrong, y'all -- it's not like I've always been such a poor producer; indeed, as late as this time last year I was regularly giving and fulfilling commitments as they rose and I chose to accept them. I supported many a student's/student organization's/church/civic organization's fund-raising/field trip/volunteer/cookie quota, and was just about prided on my ability to be there for those who "needed" me most. Not exactly because I wanted to do it all, I've always been that person (since I was small) extending myself to complete the most mundane to complicated of tasks, simply because "I said I would." I might have bitten off more than I can chew .. but I said I would. I might not even like the person/people/cause I agreed to give to but I said I would. Ask the folk who knew me back then: loyalty's how I passed up a dream job to work one I knew I didn't want because I'd agreed to work there first; it's how I endured 11 months of an abusive relationship; it's how I got my Master's degree ... and up until the last few months it's been how I've written each column -- intent on fulfilling my obligation to my editor, and to all of you who actually pay attention to what I write from issue to issue. What's the problem you ask? Well ... when you couple a commitment to pursue every task to completion with a society-given inability to say no ... eventually, something's gotta give. You can tell yourself everyday that you can do x, y, and z if you just push a and b over to the side while you do c in your off-time, and eventually -- if you give even the remotest care for your physical health and/or sanity -- all of it's gonna hit the fan, and eventually you'll be staring face to face with your own personal editor, faced with the reality that despite your deepest wishes you are indeed letting him or her down -- something you truly weren't trying to do. Why do I write this, well it's simple -- I'm one of the few people in this world who still admit to making resolutions, and one of the things I decided to do for this year was learn how to say "NO." Not just no for the sake of saying no though; this year is the year that I'm actually going to live ... on purpose ... for no one else's pleasure but my own. I will return to being consistent and committed to follow-through ... but only on the projects I choose to take on, and nothing more. I had to write this to own up to my mistakes -- namely that I've been slacking on this column, and that I resolve to get back on track, FOR GOOD. Why am I telling you all this -- well, that's simple too, because a) you all need to know that you can count on a new timely edition of Random Order from here on out for the rest of the year, and B) somewhere on your major list of to-dos and don'ts you probably have at least one area in which you are sucking horribly -- JUST LIKE ME. Yeah, you know you suck, but it's not because you're a terrible person, or even because you meant to be so ridiculously bad with your follow-through ... somewhere though you might have lost some steam, or lost your focus, or maybe even lost your mind, and now you're trying to figure out just how to get back on track, and back to the level of excellence you know you've always had. Now is the time -- while the year is still fresh, while gas prices are still low, while people still believe you're just in a dry slump and will allow you even half a chance to get right again -- now is the time to make the choice. Are you serious? If so, then follow-through; if not ... JUST. SAY. NO. Thank You, and I'll see you next time. |
| Random Order// Tracie Gilbert Reflections on a New Year ... and a new way of doing things |
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