Simple Things/ Lang Kenneth Haynes

          What we can do
    The life of Martin Luther King, Jr. continues to serve as a beacon that directs us toward our collective potential for courage, tenacity,
love in the face of hatred, peace in environments that fuel insane descent into perpetual war, and fairness for all, not just a select, self-
defined few.
    A few of our friends, neighbors, associates and others, we may not know, who have touched our lives and the lives of others will be
acknowledged during Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. celebrations. And each of us can probably think of a person or two who works tirelessly to
make real the vision of Dr. King as they perceive it. In the face of such greatness  — in terms of sung and unsung sheroes and heroes —
the rest of us might ask what we can do to make this world a better place. As is the case with most endeavors that take persistent effort,
the place to start is where we happen to be at this very moment.
    Starting at an early age, we get loaded up with sayings and pass many of these gems (and non-gems) of wisdom along to our
children, nieces, nephews and other unsuspecting young minds which often absorb the words of adults as if they represent some sort of
absolute truth. One trite, untrue and damaging little ditty that adults are often guilty of bestowing on young people is the saying, “Sticks
and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me.” What a bunch of hooey. Words can hurt deeply and the affects can, and
often do, last a lifetime. Many of us can remember cruel things that were said to us at some point in the past. Times when we were
called fat, or skinny, or our clothes were made fun of, or someone made cruel jokes about the way we walked, talked, or how crooked our
teeth were. My guess is that the pain still lingers and springs back to life at the mere mention of the memory, or if a seemingly unrelated
incident causes us to remember.
    Words can also limit what we consider our possibilities to be. Some or many of us may be able to recall times when we were told that
we were not good enough or not smart enough to participate in some thing of other; the times we took the risk to reveal a special, secret
desire — like the dream of going to college — only to be met with words that made us feel guilty for having so lofty an ambition in the
first place; or the times when all we needed was a word of encouragement to ease the pain of bitter words just digested, and we received
a cold stare instead followed with words like, “sticks and stones can break your bones but words can never hurt you.”
    Words can be used to encourage or destroy, so why put them to the latter use? Think about the power of words and how easily they
can be used positively. If you know a child who is struggling in school and lacks confidence, compliment her on the things that she does
well and tell her that she “can” rather than she “can’t.” If you know someone who is self conscious about the way he talks or about his
ability to write, compliment him on how creatively he communicates and encourage him to learn additional ways to get his thoughts out
there — which may open the door to learning to read and write better. If you know a little boy who puts on his best clothes for picture day
at school, and his clothes aren’t looking that great, tell him he looks wonderful, straighten his tie and smooth out the wrinkles in his shirt
the best you can. The wrinkles are not likely to go away, but he may feel better — like a person who matters whether his clothes are
wrinkled or not. And the beauty is that there is really no giver or receiver in this kind of simple exchange. Each can walk away feeling a
little better about who they perceive themselves to be. And every time you think or start to say something negative, hold back (count to
10 as they used to say) and transform that potentially negative statement into something positive. If you do, the person on the receiving
end of your words will feel immeasurably better and so will you.
    So where do we start? Here. When do we start? Now. Who do we start with? Ourselves, because we can only be as kind to another as
we are willing and able to be kind to ourselves. Offer words of encouragement to yourself in areas where you routinely put yourself down.
For example, tell yourself that you are smart and fill out the application for the correspondence course that has been sitting on your
kitchen table for six months. Invest three minutes in stretching to ease into an exercise routine, and congratulate yourself for making a
start. Ignore the little voice that says that you should have started exercising nine months ago. Maybe you should have, but so what?
Today is today and nine months ago was nine months ago. You can’t go back in time.
    When you are ready, extend your circle of positive thoughts and words to your family, then to your neighbors and co-workers and then
to people you don’t even know. The benefits are enormous and the investment of time can be as little as one minute a day. These are
simple things that we can all do today to make the world a better place. I’ll try if you will.